


Without You

by Iridescent_Ren



Category: Servamp (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Heavy Angst, Hurt, Other, kuromahi if you squint, warnings for angst in general, warnings for character death, warnings for memory loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2017-04-10
Packaged: 2018-10-17 04:35:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10586535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iridescent_Ren/pseuds/Iridescent_Ren
Summary: Mahiru awoke in a strange room, full of strange feelings. There was no other way to describe it, there was a small lingering in the back of his mind. He tried to recall where he was or how he had gotten there, but all he could remember was waving goodbye to Sakuya, Koyuki and Ryusei as he left school.Huh? It felt as if that was years ago.





	

Mahiru awoke in a strange room, full of strange feelings. There was no other way to describe it, there was a small lingering in the back of his mind. He tried to recall where he was or how he had gotten there, but all he could remember was waving goodbye to Sakuya, Koyuki and Ryusei as he left school. 

Huh? It felt as if that was years ago. He looked down to see.. He was in a wheelchair? Why? How? Where? His mind set into panic, Mahiru tried to stand up but he couldn't feel his legs below him, letting out a loud yelp as he fell to the floor. At the door of the room stood a tall male, he wore a revealing black and pink outfit with shoulder length blond hair and a pocket watch around his neck. On his face he wore a sad almost forced smile, he approached Mahiru slowly. 

"Mahiru? Do you know who I am?" he asked softly, 

Behind Mahiru two children with pink hair held his arms and helped him back into the wheelchair, they all seemed to be friendly and it wasn't like he was tied up. The place was really nice, it was huge. He remembered walking past the mansion on his way back from school, so that meant he wasn't far from home! But the question of why, who and how still lingered.

"..No… should I know you? what's going on?" he said hoping to get some answers, but all he got was more questions.

"Kuro.. Or should I say Sleepy Ash, it was a success," the blond man said, as another one entered the room.

He wore a blue coat with a black fluffy hoodie that reminded Mahiru of cat ears, he had long blue hair and deep red eyes with dark bags circling his eyes. He entered the room and avoided eye contact with Mahiru, something about him seemed familiar. 

"I'm not sure how effective it'll be… it's a lot of memories. Are you sure you want to-" The man with the blond hair started but was cut off by a deep husky voice from the other. 

"Yes.. It's for the best." 

"Someone tell me what's going on!" Mahiru shouted interrupting their conversation, who were they and how did they know his name, why couldn't he walk, why did he feel like something was missing. He has too many questions and not enough answers, none of this was simple!

"Mahiru, I'm sure you have a lot of questions, a lot of which we can't answer. You… had an accident, and you lost a lot of your memories from about a year or so. The doctors are unsure if you'll ever walk again. We helped you and let you stay here while you recovered- oh I haven't introduced myself, my name is Snow Lily or All of Love but call me Lily," The man with the blond hair who he now knew as Lily said, giving him a reassuring look that made Mahiru's worries ease slightly. 

"..I'm K- … Sleepy Ash," The blue haired introduced himself quietly, something about the way he said it seemed so pained and hurt… 

".. Brother I really don’t know about this, can I talk to you?" Lily said, the two apparently brothers left the room. 

Mahiru put his hands to the wheels and started pushing them forward, thinking simply he should learn to do it on his own so he didn't need to rely on everyone. But what we're they unsure about? Something was still suspicious. He slowly wheeled his wheelchair over to the wall to try and listen, he knew it wasn't right but he wanted answers and he wasn't going be told them simply like he would have liked. There was clearly something they were hiding. He overheard their muffled voices through the wall, 

"Mahiru wouldn't want you to do this.. You know that right? You know more than anyone how much this is hurting you-"

"This isn't about me…. Mahiru got hurt because of me! I can't.. I can't continue to put him in danger, I dragged him into this, he doesn't deserve it." 

"I'm sure Mahiru would have forgiven you, what happened isn't your fault."

"I couldn't do the one thing I was asked to do, I couldn't protect him. Let's just… see how it goes." 

He quickly wheeled back to the spot in front of the bed, unsure of how to react. He was left with more questions than before, and no answers. Was what happened.. Really an accident? He knew these people.. But for the life of him he couldn’t remember them, why couldn't he remember his own friends?!

Lily came back into the room, but Ash was not with him. Instead another short purple haired boy followed, clenching his fist. Clearly hurting to see Mahiru in that state, but he still didn't seem to recall meeting him before. 

"We'll let you stay here until you've fully healed, it's too difficult for you to immediately go back to your normal life. We can provide a tutor if you need for school," He said, almost as if he was reciting a speech, afraid his real thoughts would spill out, before leaving the room. 

Lily came over and helped him get back into the bed behind him, giving a gentle almost parental smile as he left him on the bed. 

"If you need anything ring the bell next to your bed. There'll be a little black cat wandering around, so don't mind him," Lily said before leaving the room, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

He tested out the bell by flicking it gently, causing it to let out a light ring. His thoughts came to a halt, everything around him paused. The small ring of the bell, it seemed so homely and familiar, like a call for him. It was like he was on the verge of remembering something, like he was thinking of something or someone important yet it remained on the tip of his tongue. He grabbed his head and gave an angry sigh of frustration, it was so close yet so far away. 

Mahiru decided he wouldn't just wait around for answers to be handed to him, thinking simply, he had to go out there and find them himself. He wheeled himself out of the room, he thought he would find himself lost in the huge place, but his body seemed to move on its own as if he knew the place like the back of his hand. 

It wasn't like he could really go down the stairs without help, so staying on that floor he explored a bit. Looking around the grand home he saw a hint of purple hair running around the corner towards him, the short one from before accidentally knocked into Mahiru. He huffed indifferently and kept walking, but Mahiru saw straight through it. One look at his eyes and it was easy to tell.

"I'm sorry if I forgot you…" Mahiru said quietly, hoping he could hear. He wasn't sure if he knew the him before or not, but he still felt a panging guilt. 

"It's not your fault bastard..." was the short response, and only seconds later he could hear the sound of tears that he refused to show. 

"Well.. It won't be much but we can start over! I'm Shirota Mahiru, let's be friends," he said with a bright grin towards the other man's back. It was the simple way of doing it. 

"Misono Alicein… hurry up and heal damn it.. the only answer I'll accept is yes," he said walking away, and despite his attitude Mahiru felt like he had gotten something through to him. Mahiru gave a small huff and wheeled himself away, he really hoped things would start making sense soon.

He tried to piece together what he knew, but the dots didn't seem to connect. He apparently had an accident that caused the loss of his ability to walk, Sleepy Ash blamed himself for whatever happened, Lily didn't support whatever they were hiding from him, and he knew all of these people in the year that he missed? 

He tried hard to think back to that year. He couldn’t remember much, just small hazy memories like himself making toast in the mornings and sitting in class studying. It was like huge chunks of his life were missing... What on earth were they hiding from him? 

After what felt like hours down the lonely empty hallways, he noticed the small black cat Lily mentioned lying down alone at the top of the stair case. He wheeled himself over and carefully slid off the wheelchair onto the step, lightly running his hand along the cats fur. It was so soft… the cat seemed to notice his presence and tried to move to leave. 

"Hey wait! Oi!" he called out grabbing the cat and placing him on his lap, holding the struggling feline until it gave up and flopped down into his lap to which Mahiru smiled. He felt incredibly lonely despite being surrounded by people, maybe the cat felt the same way? Either way it seemed like it would be nice company.

"There we go.. do you have a name?" he asked as he reached towards a golden bell around the cats neck, unfortunately there was no name or number. The bell gave a light pretty sound, that made Mahiru feel that same familiar feeling as when the bell in his room rung, but much stronger.

"Hmm... I'm sure you have a name, but for now.. How about I call you Kuro? It's the simple choice!" he said smiling. Something about the cat made him just want to cuddle it close and if he was going to be here a while then he wanted to hang out with the cat sometimes, since it was the only one not being complicated. 

He started to notice the cat lightly shivering at the name, trying to get out of his grip without putting any real strength into it. He sighed and let the cat run off, and failed to notice the guilt and hurt in its red eyes. Even the cat was avoiding him? He felt a small wave of loneliness in the empty hallways, it wasn't much different from his apartment. Though there were people around, he felt alone.

He wheeled himself back into the room he found himself in, where some of his own things lay like his school bag. Mahiru didn't even question where it came from or how they got it, it was confusing but not as bad as some of the other things he was hearing. He reached down for his earphones to play some songs into his earphones, attempting to drown out the suffocating silence. With the soft music he didn't seem to hear the quiet sobs of Kuro coming from another room, where other male was feeling quite a different sense of loneliness. This is the best for you... Was all the Servamp could manage to think. They shared a bond, so he was sure Mahiru would be able to feel a small bit of his stabbing guilt and regret, but he would get over It... He was safer this way.

Mahiru somehow manoeuvred his way onto the bed, leaning against the back of the wall and feeling tears running down his face, the reality of his situation starting to hit him. He could probably never use his legs again.. He couldn’t walk or run… he would need to depend on others all the time, he would be a bother to his friends. His sobs got louder as the heartbreak in his voice was evident, not to mention the constant ache in his chest that he couldn't figure out the cause of, and from the corner of his eyes the small black cat entered his room. 

It jumped up onto his bed and slowly crawled on his lap to curl up in a ball, no meowing or purring, just a calming presence as if it was doing the most it could to help. Mahiru had no idea that the small black cat understood the situation better than he ever could. He slowly stroked the head of the cat, still letting out sniffles. 

He really was pathetic. 

He played with the small yellow bell, rolling it around in the palm of his hands as it was oddly calming. He still couldn't figure out why it was so important to him, but for now he was satisfied with just the thought. It still felt like there was so much he didn't know, or so much he was forgetting… just thinking about it was exhausting, even in saying that phrase there was a tiny voice in the back of his mind shouting words he couldn’t comprehend. 

The cat on his lap looked up at him with an almost depressing look before leaving, it could be about his legs but he couldn’t help but feel it was something deeper. He was probably looking too much into it, or at least that’s what he thought until Lily entered his room. 

"Mahiru? How are you doing, do you feel any pain?" he asked kindly, waiting near the door as if waiting to be let in. 

"Ah hey- Lily was it? My head hurts and I don’t know why.." he commented giving Lily a nod. 

Lily walked in further with a glass of water and some pain medication, handing them to Mahiru. After erasing that many memories it was bound to hurt at least a bit.. He smiled at Mahiru as he handed them to him Even Lily wasn't stripping; they all wanted their friend back but Kuro had a good point. 

"Here.. Mahiru as I'm sure you figured out there's a lot we aren't telling you, I'm sorry but it's for the best," he said sitting down on the bed next to Mahiru.

"Can you tell me about my life that I missed? Was I still doing okay in school? Did I have nice friends?" Mahiru asked the most basic of questions he could think of, just wanting something to connect him to the years he felt didn't exist. 

"Well to be vague.. You didn't have very much time for school but you still did quite well, one of your friends helped you a lot. You have very caring friends you know? They really just want the best for you, no matter how much it hurts them…" Lily said trailing off, and Mahiru had an inkling he was talking about them. 

"Ah.. What happened at the accident?" He continued quietly, seeing Lily go silent. 

"I… wasn't there…" It was clear it was a lie, but with the look in Lily's eyes he decided not to push it. Lily remembered every detail, how Mahiru's limp body was thrown against the brick wall, the horrifying crack that followed and the sticky blood that trailed down his legs. How his eyes seemed to scream out in pain as they stepped on his legs crushing the bone mockingly. How he stood there watching, helpless. How they couldn't save him. 

"Come over here, I know you want to see him too," Lily called out towards the door, and soon enough the other man with the fluffy hoodie was near the door. 

"Aahh what was your name again?" Mahiru asked with a sheepish smile, the man seemed.. Familiar in a way, like family. The bags under his eyes were incredibly dark, it seemed like he wasn't sleeping well. If he became friends with him, he would make sure to force him into bed early. Some accident would never change his motherly traits.

"Sleepy Ash…" he hesitantly replied, avoiding looking Mahiru in the eye. 

Behind Sleepy Ash were the two children from before, they happily ran into the room to wrap around Lily. 

"Lily! Lily play with us!" they said in unison, big red eyes looking up. 

"Hmm~ I'm busy but maybe Mahiru can play with you? Mahiru this is Yuri and Mari," He said looking over at Mahiru, who just nodded. He was more than happy to play with them, it gave him the feeling like he could do things on his own, Lily must have intended that. 

They jumped up on the bed next to him with some paper and crayons, trying their best to draw. Mahiru watched them with curiosity, complementing their skill and giving them a pat on the head. When they were done they had drawn a family, it had Lily and Misono with Sleepy Ash, Mahiru, the black cat with the writing 'neko!' above him and all the children behind them with big messy writing 'Family'. 

He felt a warm feeling rising in his chest as he smiled gratefully, he wished to say more but he was cut off by a hug from the kids. He still couldn't remember them, but he felt safe. 

Safe until the shattering sound of glass breaking reached his ears.

Mahiru yelped, whipping his body towards the direction of the sound. The children shook in fear and Lily was in the room within seconds, 

"Come with me, I'll take you to the children's room. It's the safest in the house. Sleepy Ash will take care of it," he said in a calm manner, but was clearly anything but. He took the children's hands and gestured for Mahiru to follow him away from the chaos, exciting the room without a second look. Mahiru noticed Sleepy Ash running towards the source of the danger.

His scared, red eyes met Mahiru’s and he whispered, "I won't let it happen again!" before turning around and moving towards the room where the glass was broken.

Loud maniac laughter echoed through the halls, an air of death creeping along the wallpaper. It was then Mahiru got an inkling whatever happened to him wasn't an accident, but whatever and whoever was in there was dangerous, that much was clear. Some sort of intruder?

"Stop! It's dangerous!" He knew there wasn't anything he could do to help, his heart ached as he tried to stand but his legs refused to move. "I want to help!" he shouted, and before he knew it, a blue and black broom appeared in his hand. He yelped almost dropping it, it came... From under his wrist band? He didn't understand what was going on, but it would never get explained if he was sheltered from it again. 

He wanted to know what happened. He wanted to save the strange blue haired man that he knew had saved him before. Lily was already long gone from site, probably thinking Mahiru was following close behind as he seemed to be focused on getting Yuri and Mari to safety. He made up his mind and wheeled himself over to the door. Looking inside, he saw a man that sent shivers down his spine. 

He didn't remember him, but something about him made him want to run away. He had piercing red eyes, but they weren't warm like Sleepy Ash's, they held murderous intent. The red blades, looking as if they were made of blood, were at his sides as he slashed at the other in what looked like amusement cross with rage.

A small yellow bell that hung around Sleepy Ash’s neck snapped, and memories flooded through him. The day he picked up a small fluffy black cat off the streets... The day his life had changed. 

He remembered calling him Kuro, starting a contract and starting a new friendship. The lazy vampire rolling around on the couch and sitting on his shoulders, jumping in front of a sword to save him and looking out for him at every turn, regretting his past but overcoming it. Together, they were partners. 

Memories were shattered, just like the small ringing sound of the bell hitting the floor. He let out a horrified scream, as Kuro looked back at him with wide eyes and a long gone look. 

"…KURO!"

**Author's Note:**

> Well I'm still not all that happy with how this turned out, but a huge thanks to @legendarygriffin who beta read the chapter <33 THANKS MAHI !!
> 
> hope you liked it~


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